"I wish there was something I could do other than pray!"
The words came out hot and raw, revealing the depths of my doubt in prayer. I stopped typing my email, shocked at the words I had just written.
The reality is, I'm prone to doubt the power of prayer. Especially the less I do it. At worst it becomes a nicety, something I do to console a friend, or a ritual I keep as a part of my offering of faith. At best it's where I turn when I have no where else to go... prayers whispered in the dark, with hope they're somehow ushered to the ears of God.
I'm insecure in prayer. Insecure about being heard, about praying the right thing, about whether or not it'll be answered. Prayer itself has become a thin place, a place laid bare beneath the awning of heaven. And somehow, it doesn't matter how many prayers get answered in our life time, we still come trembling in our requests, doubting the wild power we kneel before.
"Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare." - Psalm 40:5
David wrote this psalm in a time of doubt. He feared God wouldn't lift him out of the "mire and mud", he was insecure about his standing before God, he doubted God would answer. So he preached to his soul, and today I preach to mine.
Our God is a God of wonders who has never forsaken us. He here's our cries and has power to save. He wipes our tears and catches the whispers no one else can hear. He heals, He restores, He answers.
And because of who God is, I have to believe there is nothing greater I can offer the world than to be brave enough to pray.