I love the story of how my husband and I got married. Not because it resembles a Nicholas Sparks novel, or because it even makes sense. But because when I look back, it's a story of God's provision.
There's no reason we should be married now. When we met, I was broke and about to graduate from college with a degree in writing. He was a broke musician from Northern Ireland. We scraped together pennies, air miles, and off days to visit each other. Even if it meant just getting a few hours together before he left the country for another few months.
Eventually, I did what every young Christian woman does when she has a crush of epic proportions-- I prayed and asked God if this was the man I was suppose to be with.
But God didn't say anything. He didn't say yes, and he didn't say no. He just listened. It confused and aggravated me. I would pray, palms facing heaven, hopeful whispers in the dark.
"God, I don't know if this is what you have for me. If this is who you have for me. But I'm going to step forward, I'm going to pursue it until you stop me. Until you make it absolutely clear this isn't what you have."
So I stepped. Into the unknown, into the terrifying realm of not really knowing how all the logistics were going to work out.
Most of the time I didn't know when I would see him next. Or how it would happen. But month after a month God provided a way for us to see each other. Miraculously, he'd had just enough miles to fly to Wisconsin. Or strangely, my boss would give us a long weekend off work. Or sometimes money would come out of nowhere and we'd have just enough to meet up in Chicago.
Eventually, it became clear during our engagement I would have to move to Atlanta where the band was traveling out of. So God provided a friend to travel with. He provided a home to stay in. An apartment we could just afford. He provided me the perfect job. He continued to provide just enough light to see the very next step.
I never found out if my husband was "the one" God had intended for me, I simply knew He was providing ways for us to fall in love. He provided for every prayer whispered in the dark, for every fear surrendered to him.
When Abraham was asked to sacrifice Isaac he obeyed. And just before he lifted his hand to strike, God stopped him and gave him a ram. Jehovah Jireh. God will provide. God will provide for the things he's called us to. But I've rarely found he reveals his plan first. He simply provides for the next step.
He provides for every prayer whispered in the dark, for every fear surrendered to him.
He provides because he loves.
He provides to grow our faith.
He provides for the whispers in the dark.
He provides for his good will.
“We can stop pleading with God to show us the future, and start living and obeying like we are confident that He holds the future," writes Kevin DeYoung.
There's freedom in trusting. We reach out our hands, groping along the walls of life, hoping we don't fall, or slip. When we trust God, the lights don't suddenly come on, we don't suddenly see the path he has. But we can let go of the handrails knowing God has already surrounded us.
When we trust, we walk.